In response to the flurry of interest about me possibly starting an advice column, I have no choice but to honour your desires before the flurry becomes a blizzard. From hereon in let this post be known as the Questions and Queries box. Leave your questions in the 'Comments' section and I will check it periodically and choose which questions to deal with and then post the answers later. They can be on any topic from whether to circumcise your dog to what’s the best time to plant Belgian Congo quince or even heavier topics such as “Does making love to a centaur qualify as bestiality?”For the record, “No.” A centaur is a man where it matters and a horse where it counts. That’s not perverse. That’s just common sense. In ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,’ the hottest man was the Centaur, Oreius, and the sexiest youth was the faun, Tumnus. Does this mean that I would have sex with a horse or a goat? No. Secretariat is dead. No, seriously. A goat can’t give consent and it’s questionable that a horse can. However a centaur obviously can, at least most of them can. It would be wrong to take advantage of a mentally challenged centaur or a nubile foal but a man like Oreius is a General for heaven’s sake. He knows what he’s doing.
So go ahead and fantasize my questioning friend. If you want to deepen your understanding let me recommend three books by the great writer John Varley called, respectively, ‘Titan’, ‘Wizard’ and ‘Demon’. Inside, you’ll find Human-Centaur love is explored at great length.
Which brings us back to the first question. “ Should I circumcise my dog?” Not unless he asks for it. You wouldn’t circumcise a baby would you? And finally, the best time to plant Belgian Congo quince is never. There’s no such a fruit. There! See how this thing works. It’s easy. Everybody has a question.
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