Friday, May 11, 2007

Sweet Jesus, its about Time

Hello ewesies. Its been a long time once again. Im* going to be honest with you this time and tell you the truth even if its a lie. No tall tales of pirates swooping into my home in the dead of night and then swooping back out in the morning a little kindler, a lot gentler and much much poorer. Even though that did happen, it was the one time and he was no pirate, he was an actor and he did it for my birthday and no it wasn’t Geena Davis.

A few weeks ago I received a frantic phone call from the Kids in the Hall manager Seymour Hessenfop who told me that the Kids were in trouble. He said that they were doing a show in L.A. and it wasn’t working and would I fly in and perform one of my famous monologues. I told Mr. Hessenfop to stop his blubbering and send me the Kids private jet. He laughed and so it came to pass that the next day saw me on an Amtrak train speeding towards Destiny at over eighty miles an hour.

Naturally the show was a rousing success. All the material was new, the boys were on and the theatre was packed every night. I debuted a new monologue where I discussed the tantalizing possibility that Jesus Christ might have been gay. Now all of you long term ewesies will no doubt recall an early post where I discussed the very same topic. Although the monologue I performed here in Hollywood differed somewhat, the seeds were planted here and ewe were there first.

I think it bears mentioning that I was the only one of the Kids in the Hall characters to appear in the show. No Hecubus, no Sarcastic Guy, no Chicken Lady, no Gavin and definitely no Francesca Fiori. No one even mentioned her. Bruno Puntz Jones told me he hadn’t spoken to her in years and that when he did she was so drunk he couldn’t understand her although to be fair, I cant understand her when shes sober.

Needless to say, the moment I arrived in Hollywood, the clamor to keep me here grew until I could no longer ignore it. So I have decided to stay. The wounds I suffered here over my failed marriage to Tandy Porter and the devastating custody battle over the two headed twins that followed have healed. So have the ones I endured over the constant thieving of my ideas including the invention of the smoothie, the idea for the hit sitcom Chasin Raisins and the philosophy of Andrew Weil. Now its not about revenge. Its about getting my face out there. No part is too small. Just this week I had an interview for head waiter at Rancho Coco Loco and it went very well. There was a picture of Lindsay Lohan in the front window wearing a Coco Loco hat on one breast and the one that wasnt wearing the hat looked sad. I think I might have lucked out.
*my apostrophe key is acting a little shifty.

Link

12 comments:

Sonia said...

It's great to hear from you after so long Buddy. We've all missed you.

Allison said...

Welcome back, Buddy! I'm glad to see that your shows with the Kids In The Hall worked out so well. I wish I could have been there. I hope you do many more shows with them.

Lana said...

I do remember the gay Jesus blog and it was brilliant!

I saw a picture of Scott from the new KITH show and was in awe of the fact that he hasn't aged a day since I first saw him back in 1989.

He's either drinking the blood of Julie Newmar or has a grotesque portrait of himself hidden away in his attic.

lory said...

great to see you again buddy! i'm so glad the "kids" show turned out great! that is no surprise lol. everyone loves the kids in the hall! well, the little few who don't are stupid lol. today is bruce mcculloch's birthday (as you already know, of course, but i'm just letting those who don't know, know...lol)so i'm gonna say happy birthday bruce! not that he will ever know i said that lol i just wanted to blurt that out! take care buddy! tell scott and danny i said hi and muah!
p.s. please try not to be gone so long next time. your "buddies" missed you, buddy ; ) you are wonderful!

BiPolar said...

Dear Buddy, it's heart warming to hear you had an interview to be a Head Waiter.

Did they put you on the street behind a wall with a hole in it to see how well you could pull in the customers?

I hope you hand out business cards with your face on it when you finish each interview. Bear HUGS!

Jem said...

I came to see you evernight at the Steve Allen Theater, Buddy! I love you! But frankly, your monologues are a little long...

PsycoticPenguin said...

I can't help but remember Mr. Foley talk about in some commentary track about how you always seem to show up in the nick of time for The Kids. Even if they didn't ask for you, you'd still be there for them. What a great friend!

I plan on traveling from Chicago to see them up in Montreal in July, as well as Kevin the next night. Will you be attending? Will you be signing autographs and meeting fans? Oh Buddy, how I'd love to meet you and the rest of The Kids.

I showed my friend Brain Candy last night. A friend of a friend got a tattoo of a scar across his wrist with a signature of Chris Cooper and a little Gleemonex pill underneath. People, eh?

BiPolar said...

Hi Buddy, It seems a reminder is in order - Buddy wrote: (to me)

"Welcome. Pull up a berg and remember that 9/10ths of it is invisible the next time you feel obliged to use ten words when one will do. Buddy Cole"

Posted: January 12, 2007 2:39 AM Sweet Dreams (ewe Jan.11/07)

xox Bear HUGS!;)

LLJessR said...

hey buddy! im taking a much needed break from my mat cutting to say welcome back and glad to hear that you moved to the shithole we all know and love called Hollywood...

glad the Kids show went well, and especially glad to hear Bruno Puntz Jones arrived... i always thought he was kind of sexy.

but then again, who dont i think is sexy. im pretty hopeless you know...

Karen Ann said...

So I took a flying leap into the abyss the other day. Oddly enough, it only came up to my knees.

Borris said...

Jesus Christ Superstar = best movie ever. EVER.

Steven said...

Hello Buddy,

I heard your alter ego Scott on the HERE TV podcast and was blown away. I have been a huge fan of yours for years but had no idea you had started blogging and podcasting as Buddy. You mention that your podcast is available in iTunes but I can find no links to subscribe to it and after searching for EWE, Scott Thompson, Kids in the Hall, Buddy Cole etc and still the iTunes podcast search engine does not pull up your podcast? Do I have to go to your blog and play it from these little widgets? I need you on my iPod!!! Please let me know how to get your vocal orgasms in my ears!

Thanks,
Steven