Thursday, March 8, 2007

Let's Hear it for Sal

Well ewesies, I'm back. I would apologize for the long absence but since the Oscar debacle where I actually apologized for certain comments, that word is gone from my vocabulary. What I will do is fill you in on where I've been though. I'm no longer in the country, the country being Canada, but once again I am unable to tell you where exactly because of security concerns. We all remember what happened the last time when I went away to that country that rhymes with Sticaragua and the RESU Brigade struck. We were all so concerned with Francesca Fiori and Dr. Robert Young that we forgot that there are many other menaces out there. Let me just say that I am safe and sound in body and in mind. It looks like the Gods have finally turned their face back to me and realized what a cruel waste it is that I am not on television, the movies or on the Most Wanted posters.
I can't say what yet but keep your eye on Court TV. There might be a Star Witness role in my future and if that doesn't work out, I have plans to add a potent drug to my rather prodigous alcohol intake and become a complete mess, flashing my shaved balls in public, spitting on photographers for not taking pictures of me and running into traffic dressed as a Ghurka and yelling things like " Anna Nicole is alive and living in Belgium! " or "The tomato is a fruit and a vegetable! Get used to it! " This new Fame is a brave new world and I intend to figure it out before the Gods turn back to another out of control starlet who hasn't done anything in years. If that sounds bitter, it's because it is. My new manager Uli Jewel says bitterness is the new graciousness and that I should act as bitter in public as i can and I should be back on top in no time. I've told him that I don't actually feel bitter, that in fact I'm quite contented but he says that sounds like an excuse and that I should just 'act it' and eventually I'll feel it. It's sort of like how if you smile when you're sad, you'll eventually feel happy. I've taken to taping my mouth down into a frown but all it does is make me look more fetching and intriguing which draws people to me like moths to a flame which in turn makes me feel happy, counteracting the effect. It's a vicious cycle but I told him I'll do what has to be done even if it kills me which he says would be the best career move of all.
Now I don't want to alarm any of you but there have been some ominous developments on the Francesca Fiori front and so I am going to put the site on an 'Orange Alert' once again until I am certain everything is all right. The moment it is I will be giving the all clear. As well, I ran into Scott Thompson the other day and he told me that he will be performing in New York on the 23rd and 24th of March at a club called Comics and that he would love it if you would all come. I asked him if I could open for him but he said "No, he didn't need me this time but that he was sure that there would be something very exciting in the future." It sounded like a brush off so I told him so whereupon he said that I sounded bitter so I guess it's working. I asked him what he thought of my new bitter stance and he said it looked good on me. Maybe Uli is on to something.

Gabcast! ewe #32 - Let's Hear it For Showbusiness

This song was recorded in the late eighties to celebrate all things lurid, shiny and shallow, in other words showbusiness. Sal and I actually wrote lyrics to this song and even memorized them for the recording. The recording of course was done in our usual slapdash manner, this time aboard a leaky yacht in the Sargasso Sea on a Squidding trip which adds a that special Mouth Congress amateurishness to what is essentially one of our most polished pieces. I hope it's not too professional for ewe.



Tad. said...
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Tad. said...

I don't envy you your celebrity. It seems a large pain in the neck. I can hardly stand that people I know pay attention to me, and make efforts to minimize contact with them as a result. You must have great fortitude, indeed, to actively demand your own celebrity.

Meanwhile, I'm drunk and alone on my computer. One of the more entertaining past-times a person can persue, if you ask me. It's mildly similar to surfing the internet after consuming hallucinogenic mushrooms-- only you don't concentrate as much on the reflection of your face in the monitor as it distorts and bits of it ripple like a water surface displaced by a pebble, and other bits of it float off in disconcerting directions.

Actually, come to think of it, it's nothing like surfing the internet after consuming hallucinogenic mushrooms, but it's pleasant all the same. Having your face go numb while you're typing a stream-of-consciousness comment on some stranger's blog is a wholly remarkable experience.

Oh yeah... have a splendid night, Buddy. I mean it.

Lana said...

I looked up the show and if anyone would like to buy tickets you can order them online at...

...or by calling 212.524.2500

Now back to the blog...LMAO at "The tomato is a fruit and a vegetable! Get used to it! "!!!

I would love to see you on Court TV! It would be a fangirl's dream come true if you could get a guest spot on *Nancy Grace!

*The show, not Nancy herself. Unless you want to try it...

Allison said...

My reactions to your latest update, in order:

1. Yay, Buddy's updated again. :)

2. It's the Bellini!!

3. Goddammit, this is about the thousandth time I wish I lived in or near NYC. I'll at least try to be at Comics in if you feel a cold chill and a spooky presence, don't be freaked out --- it's probably just me astrally projecting.

4. "I asked him if I could open for him but he said 'No, he didn't need me this time but that he was sure that there would be something very exciting in the future.'" Does this mean what I think it means?! I really hope so!

Sara said...

"...there would be something very exciting in the future"

Oh Scott Thompson, with his blasted hints and opaque remarks. I'm with Allison; I hope that means what I'm thinking!

PsycoticPenguin said...

Aww. Don't be bitter/pretend bitter towards Scott. He's got his own career to think of. I hope your new path works out for you, though if I ever ran into you, I'd be sad if you were bitter. You'd need a hug.

I don't think Scott would lie to you. I'm sure he's got something planned that he really wants to tell all of his fans, but hasn't yet for some stupid reason like a confidentially agreement.


Oh. And tell Scott to pass by Chicago sometime. Either alone or with some friends. Maybe for a tour. I dunno. Just thinking out loud.

Sonia said...

Hmmm... something exciting. Let's just hope that means what everyone seems to think it means. Also let's hope that if it is that thing it's a thing that comes through Seattle.

Thanks for the update Buddy.

Mark said...

And Dublin (Ireland) too, sure that's only a hop, skip and a prance from NYC!

God that would be the coolest night ever.

On another note, have you thought about doing any videos as well as the gabcasts? I.E. YouShoe or GoogleyVideo

Alister said...

Nice to have you back Buddy.

While visiting my great uncle, Faubel Honeychurch, who is in prison for internet fraud, tax evasion and jaywalking, I thought I saw Francesca Fiori visiting another inmate. She was dressed all in black with very large sunglasses and a scarf wrapped around her head. I almost didn’t recognize her but her occasional outbursts drew my attention to her. She sat across from a very tall man who was sporting the largest mustache I’ve ever seen. I tried to use my lip reading skills to listen in on what he was saying but I couldn’t see his lips. Francesca covered her mouth with her gloved hand when she spoke. She seemed to be attracted to him but the conversation was quite heated at times.
Do you have any idea who this man might be?

I love Scott Thompson. He’s just so bloody talented and good looking. I hope you two can work together soon.

I plan on seeing Scott perform as well. Most likely the second show coming up soon.

Sailorboy said...

What has become of Ms. Fiori?

Tavie said...

Woah, Paul looks AWESOME.

Already got my tix for the Comix show.

Mimi & Flo said...

We are patiently waiting at Waldenbooks for the sequel to "Buddy Babylon". You can tell that to your Mr. Bellini.

BiPolar said...

Dear Buddy,
You are in fine form! It's okay to make the rare mistake of appearing to be apologetic.

Bitterness is like pubic hair. Once you grow some, it's there for life. Please spare our dear friend Scott from your bitterness. Snap your fingers, cross your legs and make him PROUD!

My fingers and legs are crossed for you in anticipation of what I think it could all mean as I look through my crystal balls into your future.

Thanks for the update. I'm moist.

Geheebers said...

Bitterness is the new graciousness! I hope that Scotch tape is less expensive in Canadian dollars, or whatever is used for currency in your present secure location. Did you know that Scotch tape can be used to remove unwanted body hair? It doesn't leave stubble as shaving can.
Listen, hey, that club in New York is called "Comix" (Ammurikan spelling - comixny-dot-com) and they've already got some great publicity up for Scott Thompson. Their food is great, too.

joycean said...

"As well, I ran into Scott Thompson the other day and he told me that he will be performing in New York on the 22nd and 23rd of March at a club called Comics and that he would love it if you would all come."

My friend in New York just told me about this show, which was the impetus for my navigating the treacherous innerwebs to find this blog. I haven't had a chance to read back on your recent exploits, but i wanted to post: Tell Scott that some guy on the internet--who happens to be a huge KITH fan--has always thought you were the most talented member of the troupe and is extremely excited to see your show in NYC!

March 8th was actually my birthday, and I spent it drunk, bitter, and despondent. The show will be a belated birthday present from the evil world to me! Keep on keepin on, Buddy.

LLJessR said...

Duh, of course bitterness looks good on you. What DOESN'T look good on you?!

I'm not really sure why, but when I saw THIS I thought it would be something that you'd enjoy.

I can't be positive, but I think I'm in love with the idea of you running around and showing your hairless balls in public. And spitting on photographers. Fuck photographers.

As for your friend Scott Thompson, I'm actually going to be in Toronto that week... His performances just might warrant a ride down to the city! I still have great plans to procreate with him in order to make the most attractive child in the history of man.

Anonymous said...

Yes! I am the non-Fiori-related anonymous back from darkest Peru and happy to see the blog blogging til kingdom come! Mr.Cole! You must read the latest W mag article on Ellen De Gen. and her comments re some people you know....Hilarious! Also just rented the dixie chicks docu and would love to hear your comments about it.....have to give it to Nathalie Maines that she stuck to her freedom of speech rights and time was the only proof she needed to validate them......and your comments on some naughty home vids from latin beach boys I made but then, thats another story!

Anonymous said...

Mr.Cole!!!! As busy as you are jet setting thru the celeb filled joints of LA and NYC don't forget to keep us long time bloggers informed and adviced!!!! And we also miss your "morning woodie" type pics!!!!!!!

LLJessR said...

i donno, i kinda miss the camel toe on fat chicks pics...

no NYC for me this week...

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!!!! That camel toe pic with the pink wearing girl!!! I doubt there's a camel in this planet with SUCH feet!!!!!

Anonymous said...

OK, this is just sooooo odd....I just posted the camel toe posting and look up and see Mr.Cole on the TV on a segment on "how to train your slave".......Twilight zoneish thing......but it is SO important to teach ones slaves the right behaviour nowadays.....They just are not as house broken as they used to be.....oh well!!!!!!

Alister said...

We all miss your blogs. I worry that your chained up being held captive in some L.A. leather bar. It wouldn't be the first time.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what was going on with the post you did on Julie Newmar, which nearly crashes whenever I try to look at it (seems to have 120 comments on it).

Julie appears at GLAAD and many, many events supportive of gays. Her brother is gay and has written articles and been vocal and political in raising gay pride and awareness. They both do a great deal to correct ugly stereotypes about gay behavior.

If you're just being campy, madcap, Musto or whatever, fine, have your fun, but Julie does not have any daughters, dyke or otherwise. She has one son.

She took the time to pose for whoever those women were, because that's the way she is. She's a nice lady and if you ever get a chance to see her in person, you'll find that she is one of the kind celebs who takes the time to answer a question or sign an autograph or pose for a snapshot.


Went to the Friday night show at Comix, NYC.

Scott was amazing. When he came out he noticed my partner and I sitting in the front. "Are you a bear?, he asked my partner. Throughout his performance he kept making references to bears and gay life in general. He asked a bunch of Chelsea queens if they were going to the black party. (Ofcourse they were!) He then asked if anyone was "tweaking," since circuit parties (i.e. the black party) are reknowned for their use of drugs and crystal meth specifically.

There was a lot of interaction between Scott and the audience.

He stated that this (performance) was different because he is usually hidden behind costumes, a martini glass, etc. He said he was 'naked on stage.' I said "raw," and he ran with it. "I'm barebacking on stage. It's the only kind of barebacking I do!"

I wish I could remember more of his performance.

At the conclusion of the show the female comedian who opened up for Scott welcomed everyone to stay afterward to shmooz and enjoy happy hour priced drinks.

I wish we could have stayed but we had somewhere else to be.

BiPolar said...

A big thank you to HUDSONRIVERBEAR for writing about Scott's show at Comix NYC. I would have loved to have been there.

I'm very happy to read your comments. Scott IS Amazing!

Lana said...

I am very happy to hear that Scott's show went well! I would have loved to have gone but unfortunately I was unable to attend. Here's hoping there are more shows to come!

P.S. I too long for the days of "morning wood". ;)

joycean said...

i echo hudsonriverbears evaluation of the show, it was great. steve white was good too, though the opener was a bit more crass than funny. scott was excellent. thanks!

Mark said...

I wonder if anyone

a) took video of the show
b) if scott would mind if it was on youtube or some such

Would love to see it

LLJessR said...

well while all you hot shots were living it up in nyc with scott thompson, i was hanging out at shoppers world in brampton! you're so jealous. i almost couldnt tear myself away to come back here to sf.


When are you going to post Scott's NYC performance to youtube?

Erin said...

After finding this wonderful blog @ almost 6 AM I am too lazy to read the earlier ones...I didn't even read the whole entry...oh well!

Argh! I'm going to start typing random stuff now, I am so going to keep reading this, tis a shame I don't use this blogger...I can't part my livejournal! Oh well....hmmm, NANCY GRACE? O___o??? Did my eyes go woohoopeee!? Oh yes, they did! Hmm...tralalalala!

*Runs away*

lory said...

cool song, buddy! thanks!