Dear ewesies, I apologize for such a long time away from you. I know it's only been a few days but for me it feels like an eternity. I can't imagine what it must feel like for ewe. So in honour of this feeling I'm posting a picture of my favourite jewel, an eternity diamond. She was given to me by the wonderful actor Djimon Hounsou after his time in Africa filming that important film 'Blood Diamond'. Let's just say I helped him with his accent in one of my popular shirtless acting workshops. In the picture you can see him clutching his script as I give him a line reading. Some actors don't like that but Djimon insists on it. In fact his entire performance in the movie is a complete imitation of my performance. Now some acting coaches would be upset about this and launch one of those ugly lawsuits which are so common in our suit crazy age but that would only bring attention to me and cast doubt on Djimon's Oscar nominated performance. I'm happy for Djimon and I'm certain that come Oscar night when Djimon strides up to that hallowed stage and accepts his well deserved Oscar, my name will be the first words out of his mouth. I can't wait. I just hope he doesn't out me like Tom Hanks did for his wretched performance in that television movie 'Philadelphia'. Please! The only other worse nominated performance was for Leonardo DiCaprio as that boyish lesbian who is raped by Kate Winslett in 'Titanic'. I'm just glad he wasn't nominated for anything this year. What's that Marco? You're kidding me? My best friend Marco who just dropped in for a cup of poppers just informed me that apparently Leonardo DiCaprio was also nominated for his performance in 'Blood Diamond.' I didn't even know he was in the movie. That's like that time some of us were discussing that Diane Keaton vehicle "The Godfather' and some straight man who was listening in told us that Al Pacino was actually the star. I still don't believe it. All I saw was Diane Keaton, Talia Shire and Morgana KIng. Some people will say anything just to talk to me.
Jewel is not just beautiful but she also sings. She's only recorded one song but it's a keeper. In light of the continuing carnage in Africa caused by man's lust for blood diamonds, I'm hoping that this proof of the intelligence of the most elegant form of carbon wil help stop the illicit trade in these beautiful stones.
Gabcast! ewe #19 - Jewel
A stirring song about hope and beauty by the most beautiful and intelligent jewel in the world.
8 comments:
Oh Buddy....
You're amazing...
It had only been three days since I last saw you, but I've checked your page non-stop since then for your newest message...
That was also the best Jewel song I think I've ever heard!!!
Please tell me that during these topless script-reading sessions, you at least felt up Djimon...
Buddy, you scared me! For a minute there I thought you were going to make us listen to a song by that snaggle toothed yoodler lady.
Al Pacino was also the star of that feel good family film known as 'Cruising'. He didn't receive an Oscar nomination for that performance. The Academy use to frown upon rough trade epics until 'Brokeback Mountain' came along. What made 'Brokeback Mountain' so special in their eyes? It was (as you called 'Blood Diamond') an important film. And we all know that important equals boring. The Academy LOVES boring.
By the way, could you give us all some information on how to enroll in your shirtless acting workshops?
I had no idea that me mentioning my shirtless acting workshops whould engender such excitement. I will be giving a workshop in the spring in Greenland. It is absolutely free. You just have to get there. In the old days we would just walk over the ice but now you must fly or boat or swim. It's very popular with the bear community so I hope to see Bi-Polar there.
Iljessar, I'm shocked at your insinuation that I would use an acting workshop to take advantage of my students and feel Djimon up. I felt him down and when I say down I mean DOWN.
Shirtless acting workshops...ouch. Long after I realized that Rock Hudson probably wouldn't want me, even if he were gay, I realized that he was always sucking in his gut in shirtless publicity stills. Not just Rock, of course. Why do these masculine idols continue to omit shirtless acting workshops from their resumes? It just doesn't seem natural, to anyone over the age of nine, for a grown man to have such a "pinched" waistline.
As for your pictures of Djimon and the diamond, I can't decide which one looks harder. Did I hear someone call "feelsies?"
And doesn't "Djimon" almost rhyme with "Diamond"? and wasn't he born in Greenland?
I heard somewhere that you once took a romantic whirl with a well-built Afro-Danish man. Were you, like the young Sebastian Venable before you, "fed up with the dark ones, famished for the blondes" yet uncomfortable tasting unknown fruits? What's in a label, and are we all grey in the dark?
You'll always have the prettiest feet, Buddy.
Varla would love to meet you, if you're going to be nearby on Thursday...
Exactly.
At first I worried the shiny jewel was Cubic Zirconium from the shopping channel it's so BIG!
When I saw the other "Djimon" shirtless, at one of your "popular shirtless acting workshops" I knew it was real. HE's so BIG! 6'2"!
Buddy, the best place to see the breathy diaphragm moving properly is naked from the floor. Most times it's the trainee that is on the floor. I digress.
Your Gabcast vocals are incredible. (then I wondered where the Jewel may have been while you were singing)
Did you loop the tracks with the harmony singers? They have huge choir-like sound. Simply brilliant.
song lyric: "oh look, why there's Little Miss Topaz - hi there" while dancing onward! Sure kick Little Miss Topaz at her pallor moment. Brute!
Of course you'll see Bi-Polar Bear in Greenland. It will be our first Polar Bear Bi or Not Pride Event!
I'll reserve us some Sea-Doos to zoom around. I'm moist.
I always wanted to check Mr.Hounsou's "jewels" and for a second I thought I might be able!!!! The diamond is pretty too...........
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