Fagette

This is my niece Fagette. She's going to be staying with me for a week. I don't know what I'm going to do with a ten year old girl. All I know about little girls is that they like to dress up in striped dresses and run around swanky hotels. She's staying with me because my sister Rita, her mother, is going to a Stargate SGI convention with her current boyfriend Didier or at least that's what she said. She just showed up this morning at my door with Fagette. First of all she's soaking wet. It's not raining. In fact it's minus twenty. Then she launches into this insane story about how she just won this contest where she gets to go to a Stargate CGI convention for a week in Phoenix and she can take a friend and when she says friend, she gestures incredibly dramatically behind her at this old car parked on the road and she says, "You remember Didier?" Of course I remember Didier. He was practically the first man my sister had been with who didn't have a record. He was memorable because he was actually a bit of a nerd. The problem with these nerd types is that their history is either clean as a whistle or they have thirty bodies buried in the basement. My sister's romantic record is checkered to say the least. She's been married four times and has had almost as many men as your average gay man which for a woman is disastrous. It's disastrous for us too but we just don't know it till it's too late whereas a woman knows it when she's doing it. This can make for very bad sex or very good sex if you know how to work it.

So back to Didier. The car window rolls down and he pokes his head out and in the thickest french accent yells out, " Allo Buddy! " i say "Allo Didier. Ca va?" but he's already thrust his head back inside and rolled up the window. Then he begins to gun the engine. So then Rita thrusts Fagette towards me and I take her hand which is wet. I struggle not to vomit. Then Rita says Take good care of Fagette. She loves you." At this point I need to say that I've met her exactly once and she was three. It was some drunken party my sister threw and Fagette made me drinks all night. As for my sister I've only seen her a half dozen times my whole life. I come from a family of twenty three children. I can't be expected to keep track of everyone. I can barely remember my parent's faces. When I close my eyes I just see Wilford Brimley and Betty Buckley. Then she turns back and says, " Remember. She's named after you." I go, " What? I thought it was an old family name. I thought she was named after mother's brother,Fagette." and she says, "That's just a coincidence. See you in a week " and then she runs down the steps even though there aren't any and gets into the car and they roar off. There is a long silence and then Fagette slips her hand which is now dry into mine which is now wet and I feel her recoil and I think. This might work.


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