Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Babylon Two:The Bitch is Back

Ever since I first decided to expose myself online I've been in a state of grace. The more I pour my heart out to you the bigger it gets. Blogging has, not to put too fine a point on it, saved my life. If it wasn't for this blog I would still be dodging dell phones from Miss Allanah Stewart. Oh who am I trying to kid. I never worked for Allanah Stewart. I should be so lucky. That woman is a saint. Met her once in a ski tow lineup in Gstaad. She got knocked down by a group of queue marauding Italians. She just picked herself up, said "Gracia" and let the T-bar whisk her away. The truth is I never worked for anybody. I was selling poppers at a sauna in Frankfurt. Not even Berlin. And it wasn't even for me. I worked for someone. I had a popper pimp. It's part of the German social safety net. It was originally a program started for male hustlers when they got too old to shake it but now it's been outsourced to the Turks. Most of them live in Germany anyway so it makes it alot easier. So I guess I did work for someone after all.

So there you have it. The whole stinking mess. Do you like the stink? I do or at least I did, that is until I found Blog. I think if Jesus were alive today he'd be blogging. Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus or any of the apostles even though I would definitely have been one if I'd been alive then. Absolutely. The moment I heard this Jesus character was in town I'd be all over him like a dirty robe. More wine my lord? May I wash your feet? Oh! I'd love it. And I'd be funny too so he'd want to keep me around. I'd have definitely had a chapter or two in that stupid book. Not that I'm attacking the good book, it's just that when I look at it's numbers, sometimes I get jealous. Maybe I should have put pictures in 'Buddy Babylon' like the Bible did in the First Edition.

My point is, I am just so excited about the next gabcast, I can't tell you. There's only one wrinkle. I shouldn't. Well, you deserve to know. Okay. I've been having some difficulty retrieving my e-mail and I have a feeling it's a little more than general network fluctuation. I received an e-mail marked 'urgent: chita's health update' and I thought, "Oh my God, something's happened to Chita Rivera." I mean she is getting up in years and even though the tumbler still looks good, there's not much drink left. So I opened it up and an avatar of Francesca Fiori suddenly filled the screen. She looked at me with hate in her eyes and eye shadow, and said " Good luck on your gabcast Gabby" and then it dissapeared. Gabby? That is so lame. That's why I'm not that worried. She's obviously losing it. However we must be prepared for the worst. I'm going to have a drink. Why don't you join me.


Lana said...

I am a very egotistical person so I will take full credit for saving your life. I also just stole "popper pimp" from you. It is now my new profile name on My Space.

Jesus would have loved you! And the more I think about it, you and Mary Magdalene have a lot in common. Two incredibly good looking whores with foot fetishes.

As you know I love your blogs so thank you for writing them!

BiPolar said...

Buddy, the avatar of Francesca Fiori appearing is no coincidence.

She's playing psychological warfare with your sober mind. Drink another.

Your journey with Blog and the "ewesies" is a very spiritual one.

Buddy, you have a direct fibre optic line to Jesus, like never before.

Jesus, he keeps all the servers running. The lurkers need to be served your delights.

Buddy is Millennium Kryptonite!!! So strong. No stinky.

buddy cole said...

I have always dreamed of drying a man's feet with my long hair. Stop it! All this talk of me being a holy whore will go right to my head. I don't want to get all egotistical like lana or soft like 'k_batti'. Our enemies are everywhere. Right at this moment a paranoid man is at my door. And I ..don't ..even ...have.. a door.

buddy cole said...

Thank you lana. P.S. I hope 'popper pimp' brings you much happiness. He didn't for me.