Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Enjoy Your Cookie

I know who k_batti is. It's not a computer program. It's none other than my arch enemy Francesca Fiori. I was supposed to follow that link she left the other day for 5,000 dollars but I was too clever for her. I recognized a certain familiar tone to Miss ._batti. I let ewe all think that I had fallen for her ruse but that was just a counter ruse to get her to let her electronic guard down and when she did I swooped in and grabbed her cookie and foiled her plans. Suffice to say the last few days have been trying as I try to upgrade the site, post provocative new episodes and fight off constant electronic attacks from Francesca Fiori and her gang of teenage hackers. I know how she keeeps those young ones glued to her side. She may think she's Pamela Smart with an accent but she's really Fagin after a bad sex change. After all Brazil is the capital of tranny wizardry. I'm just saying she looks a little hard. Maybe she's just aging badly. I don't know how that must feel. I know some of you may enjoy her outsize antics and overreactions to absolutely EVERYTHING!!!! See how she gets me. But this is war. I'm not asking you to choose yet but it might come to that. She sent me a comment marked 'only for my eyes' and one day perhaps I will share it with you but at the moment I don't want to cause any alarm. Besides the language is so scalding I must keep this monstrous missive marked me. As I contemplate the bitterness that has grown between the House of Cole and the House of Fiori I can't help but think back to the old days when Francesca and I were, if not friends, not unfriendly, and I wonder if there could actually be a truce one day. In hopes of this development I am posting excerpts of a concert that two friends of mine attended of one of Miss Fiori Puntz Jones' concerts. The m.c. is Sal Surroundo.

Gabcast! ewe #11 - Chester and Jason

Long time lovers Chester and Jason get giddy with it in anticipation of a performance by Francesca Fiori.

Gabcast! ewe #12 - Enjoy Your Cookie

Francesca Fiori sings a heartbreaking and ballbreaking protest song about our outsurced world.


BiPolar said...

Buddy wrote; (I repeat)

(clapping hands together like the best cheerleader in the squad) Everybody say YAY!

Aaahhh, yes...the FEVER pitch of Francesca Fiori!!! Intoxicating caper, Buddy. Both thumbs up.

Buddy wrote:
(clapping hands together like the best cheerleader in the squad) Everybody say YAY!

Anonymous said...

OMG! What a FAB pic!!! OMG!!!! Imagine some photo show with all those amazing visuals....Miss Fiori and her deceitful web of jealous cyber monsters are no match Mr.Cole!!!!! But you already know that of course....Golden Globes last night: Annette Bening having too much fun with her non stop drinks was great....Soooo channeling Margo Chaning there.....Helen Mirren's hubbie looking sooo very edible.....No wonder she GLOWS.....Meryl Streep and her fab "That's All" comment....Pocket sized Salma Hayek in SOME platform shoes not to be believed! OUCH if she falls off them!

Anonymous said...

OK...since I can't seem to figure out the pic in profile uploading with my one working neuron then at least get a glimpse of THIS "anonymous" at www.gaydar.co.uk/ungeheier
I do HOPE that I removed all them frisky pics I had there though!!!! Oh well....They have been seen around plenty anyways.....I was an altar boy at some point after all!!!!

Anonymous said...

Francesca Fiori is a hand full but I must admit she has me under her spell. It is a long time fantacy of mine to see both houses come together and take over the world.

Fiori is Fiori and that is all.
You take the bad with the not so bad. She's got moxie!
I can't help but love that.

- Alister Honeychurch

Anonymous said...

Oh and by the way….
I’m still waiting for some of your California friends,
Sevastian, Ian P., Fake Ratman, B. Shira, E. Chapman and BarGirl, to pay you a visit. Some are out of the country and others are busy with life in general. They all have plans to join you as soon as they can. We’ve already heard from RayJay. That was wonderful.
We all look forward to your return. It just hasn’t been the same here without you, much like the loss of Andy Warhol was to New York.

- Alister Honeychurch

Lana said...

What a wonderful surprise it is to see the beautiful Francesca Fiori again! It is disheartening to learn that she has turned into a spamming porn bot but it's still great to see her nonetheless!

Great beat on that song! It kind of sounds like a cross between 'Fernando' and 'Mambo Italiano'.

I shouldn't have read this blog on an empty stomach. Now I'm craving Double Stuff Oreos and Jalapeno Poppers.

Oh and before I forget....

Orestonio, congratulations on the large penis!

Anonymous said...

Jalapeno Poppers do sound good!


buddy cole said...

It is disturbing to me as well that such a talented individual would turn to the dark side just because her insane and unrealistic visions of worldwide superstardom never materialized. It's a harsh fact of life that there can only be seven global superstars at any one time and right now there are six. I intend to take the seventh spot. Francesca, please come back to the world of good. The Latino community needs every spokesmodel they can get. I know that she's actually Brazillian and therefore Portuguese so technically she's not really a Latina but Americans don't split those hairs, curly or not. After all they think of Barrack Obama as black but we all know he's mulatto. It's so racist to his white mother. Don't get me started. The next thing you know you'll want me to call Tiger Williams black. I have a feeling his Thai mother might have something to say about that. Because I come from a mixed marriage I know whereoff I speak. My father was Scottish and my mother was French and together that spells Buddish as opposed to Buddhist. I would never set one side against the other for political ambition and not just because they're dead. One day America will be ready for a black president but a mixed race one will do for now. I think this calls for a post. Cheers. Buddy. P.S. Lurkers, say hello.

Anonymous said...

The dark side has such an appeal to the Latinos and or Brazilians. I think it’s because the dark side is so flamboyantly dramatic and aside from the Bush administration they have such fantastic costumes.

Global superstardom won’t be so easy for you Buddy. You’ll be hounded by everyone and I don’t just mean the D list celebrities. Wink wink…

I was glad to hear that Ratman stopped to say hello. However I hear on the street that Ratman has been seen with Francesca at Mr. Chows. I don’t know if this is true but I hate to think what it might mean. Ratman is rumored to have had an affair with Francesca and now that he’s getting married in July one can only assume that this was more a business dinner and that they have been plotting something. This doesn’t mean that they didn’t hook up I’m sure. Francesca has such sexual magnetism. She gets what she wants…. What can anyone say or do.


- Alister Honeychurch

BiPolar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BiPolar said...

Francesca is a whore! Plain and simple. There I've said it.

She'd sleep with any old troll (and has) under any bridge (and has) if she thinks it might advance her career.

I guess she's getting weary from operating the backhoe as her day job. The hoeing task was imposed on her as part of her bail conditions. She preferred servicing the community, to paying the fine.

She was ordered to do 40 days of community service. She had her own thoughts about how she could provide community service. (That's how she got arrested in the first place.)

When she comes to work, directly from a night of whoring, she looks like all her body parts have been tampered with. They hang in ways Mother nature never intended.

I once worked with her when she entered a talent contest I had organized in Kabul.

My job was to keep the contest running smoothly. She repeatedly shoved those unnatural triple "E" cups in my face with each of her attempts to get to the stage before the other contestants could.

She wasn't going to fool me again with her two sweet nothings in my face. She gallantly tried to push me out of her way several times backstage as she rehearsed in that very loud baritone (she's no tenor) voice.

Suddenly, the gunfire fell silent.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate someone with drive. But I can't/won't/don't accept her over-drive antics.

I suppose she learned them at the tractor pulls she won as a child.

buddy cole said...

Bi, you've certainly got her number down.

MrRatman said...

Yes, I know when I have been caught...the paparazzi always find out. Since I am Portuguese and she is Brazilian (basically Portuguese but with less body hair) the attraction was inevitable. As long as I can keep the pictures out of the papers I may be able to keep some of my dignity.

Anonymous said...

Francesca told me you won her over by serenading her with a ukulele. How romantic!

-Alister Honeychurch

lory said...

I LOVE "enjoy your cookie"! that is a wonderful song! my chihuahua liked it, too. she kept looking at the computer when i played it lol. thanks!