Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Clive Owen's Feet
Finally. A recent picture of me. Did I say recent? I mean decent. I'm still looking for a suitable recent photo. The problem is the good ones are all indecent. It's insane. I'm getting better looking. It's something to do with being half french. Catherine Deneuve for example you can still picture having sex and it's not revolting. And it's not because of the surgeon's skill either. Well a little here and there but nothing outrageous and all in Brazil naturallement. Those doctors learned from the best. Nazi dentists. The Boys from Brazil. I just saw 'Children of Men.' Good movie. Maybe even great. The problem was it detoured so far from the original by P.D. James that I got all squinchy and academic and kept thinking "That's not the way it happened in the book." That's the reason I haven't pubished anything since my autobiography 'Buddy Babylon' from Bantam Doubleday Dell: Trade Paperback Edition. Sometimes I wake up in the night and I think " It was never in hardcover." It hurts. The best thing about the movie is Clive Owen. He should have been James Bond. Daniel Craig is not Bond. He's more like a circuit boy. He looks so gay. Fake tan, steroids and crystal dick. I don't know what people were seeing when he walked out of the water in his speedo because I was seeing nothing. I've always felt that critics, male and female, by and large don't see a lot of dick. This proves it. I hate to be racist but Blondes can't be Bond. The words are too similiar. It's confusing. Even I as a blonde accept that. I'm no Bond. I'm more the Supervillain. But back to Clive. Not only is he in every frame looking like a hot Welsh hangover but he's in flip flops As an admirer of the male foot and particularly Clive's I was cheered by this. I think it was a crime however that even though he was almost barefoot for half the movie there was only one closeup. All through the film I kept imagining him as James Bond especially the parth where Daniel Craig has his testicles smacked about by the man with the leaky eye. Although Mr. Craig did acquit himself admirably I thought his feet over acted. Clive's feet would have been so much more expressive.