No Jewels

You know what their problem is don’t you? Big hats but no Jewels. They'd look much happier with a ruby and a sapphire in the front of their turbans. Then they'd really look gay. Oh please. Look at them. Osama is such a queen. Those big brown eyes. The way he swans up and down those hills. He wears his gun belt like a sash. Miss Taliban 1006. What do you think drives a man to live in a cave with a bunch of sweaty young soldiers? I’d sell my imaginary child for just one weekend with the mujahadeen. And then there’s the target, the twin towers, America’s phallic symbol. Actually two, America’s so butch. And what about Mohammed Atta, the ringleader, the first pilot. Look at the torment in that face. That clenched jaw. Those pinched lips. If he’d only loosened that jaw and used his mouth the way Allah intended we wouldn’t be where we are today. He was in the cockpit with the pretty one. Holding hands no doubt as they hit the buildings. He didn’t want those towers to come down. He just wanted to make them touch. I’d page Doctor Freud but he’s a Jew, why ask for trouble.