Sunday, December 24, 2006

on second thought

Perhaps on second thought or more precisely, second sight, that picture of Jesus might not have been the best one to put the overseers at at ease. He looks so damn sexy. I'm sorry, The Savior had it going on. Do you know how hard it is to find an unsexy picture of Jesus? Impossible. And then when you do, he looks too gay. Oh please! Let me tell you a little story. Recently I was in a public washroom and I read this bit of graffitti scrawled on the door. "Jesus is the son of God " I mean,come on,you know, enough is enough. There was a number written under it so I called it on my cell. Jesus answered but he pronounced it Hayzus. He said he was horny and sitting at home alone stroking his chorizo and did I want to come over and suck it. So I said sure. He was good but he wasn't the son of God. Christianity went awry when it said that Jesus was the son of God. I mean Islam may have it's quirks but at least it doesn't say that Mohammed's the son of God. He's just the messenger. So he's more like the nephew of God. But Jesus says, "I am the son of God." You have to admit,"It's a little bit braggy". I believe Jesus did think he was the son of God. A lot of gay men think they're all that. Oh please! He wanders around the desert with twelve scruffy roommates who seem to spend an awful lot of time washing each other's feet. I went to a party like that once and it was a religious experience but Jesus, I eventually went home. And of course the only one who understands him is his mother Mary. Niggah please! Even her name is gay. Then his entire life is an attempt to render his father invisible. Hello! Then he's supposed to have been a virgin when he died. No way. No normal man who's able to,decides not to have sex with women unless he's gay. The pussy is that magnetic. I may not partake but I am aware of it's awesome power. Maybe Jesus didn't have what you might call sex but I bet I would. In some circles (Mel Gibson's), the crucifixion scene alone would constitute sex. And if you're still not convinced. His best friend is a whore. Straight men don't have prostitutes as friends? Fags do. It's part of the coming out process. Now for those of you going "Oh you fags think every deity is gay. Not every one. Muhammed is definitely straight. You know why Mohammed liked to fight? Because he could. Jesus probably took a swing at somebody when he was a boy and some boy said he punched like a girl and he came up with the turn the other cheek idea. It's something I would have done. And look at how he threw the Pharisees out of the temple. He kicked over their tables. That is so gay. He was probably mad because they they didn't have the rope belt he was looking for. I'm exhausted. One more top up and then it's off to vespers. Oh yes, I forgot. A non sexy picture of Jesus.

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